The First Time You Try To Buy Alcohol | Ladhood On iPlayer Now

VOICEOVER: It’s probably been about
15 years since I went a Friday night without drinking. Except for that time last
year I had gastroenteritis and couldn’t get out of bed. And even then, I had a couple of
Tyskies just to take the edge off. To go out on a Friday and not drink
and seem happy and talk to people. How the fuck are you
supposed to do that? That teenage night was a lot
like this one. Booze, booze everywhere,
but not a drop to drink. Are you going to ask one
of them, Craggy? Ask this guy coming down now. Try him, try him. You can ask him, you’re the
confident one. Excuse me. Will you go into the shop
and get us some booze, please? It’s not for me.
It’s for my grandad. He’s broken his hip.
I mean, he’s 75. He can’t really get out and that. He just wants a drink on
a Friday night. Yeah, all right. What does he want? 12 Bottle of WKD. Blue, please. Nice try. For fuck’s sake. Here. Do you know who
we should ask? Who? Old Larry Metcalf. Who the hell is old Larry Metcalf? Larry. You know Larry. He’s that
bloke who’ll buy anyone booze. He don’t give two fucks
how old you are. And he only lives round the corner. Just cos he buys booze for kids
don’t make him a paedo. It’s a slippery slope,
though, innit? I’ve got a better idea. # Cos right now,
I see clearer than most # I sit here contending
with this cheese on toast… # SHOP DOORBELL RINGS Did you get served? Does it look like it? Thought you might have stashed it in
them clown pockets that you’ve got. This is my dead uncle’s
suit, you little prick. What did he dies of,
being fucking huge? No. He slipped and cracked his
head in the shower. Didn’t feel a thing, apparently. That’s how I want to go. Oh, shit. Look. Come on, let’s go. Let’s be gone, boys. Ralph. Come on now. Nah, fuck that. Now then, Ralph. Will you buy us some booze? You what? Will you buy us some booze? What’s just happened there, Tinhead? Ralph just asked you to buy him
booze, Rupert. What? Ralph, who got battered a couple of
weeks back for being a mouthy little prick and not
knowing his place? You’re asking me, Whitey’s mate,
to buy him some booze? Yeah, blagshead, that? How do you
feel about that, Tinhead? I don’t know. How do you feel about
it, Rupert? I think it’s funny. I think it’s real funny. I think it’s proper funny. Ha-ha-ha! Cheeky little prick,
asking me to buy you booze. Cheeky. Takes some real stones. Yeah, let’s have a look at
that shiner. That’s a beauty that, lad. Look at
that, Tinhead. Oh, it’s a proper
nice one that. Yeah, it’s gorgeous, innit? All the
yellows and blues and that. Why does it do that, Tinhead? It’s
due to the breakdown of haemoglobin. You just know shit like that,
Tinhead, you know, it’s mad. Right, now then, boys. Hey, Craggy. Well done for making an effort
to look smart on Friday night, mate. Like a proper little mogul
and that, don’t he? Don’t he look like a mogul,
Tinhead? Exactly like a mogul. Yeah, a proper mogul man. Right, so you want us to buy some
drinks, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, if you
will. All right. What you want then? WKD. Cider. Fanta Lemon. Tell you what? I’ll take your money and I’ll pick
for you, lads, all right? Fucking hell, I feel like the guy
out of Oliver Twist, all the orphans. Fagan. Fagan. I feel like Fagan,
to be honest, Tinhead. Come on, mate.
Let’s get you a drink. # Scumbag, scum of the Earth,
his worth was nil # Until he gained the skill
of tongues # From 15 years young… # SHOP DOOR BELL
Thank you. Get off. They’re for me and Tinhead. We got this for you. Green Danger cider? What’s this? Cider is fermented from apples. Yeah, I know. It’s
just not what we wanted. We don’t always get what you
want, do you, Ralph? So, did you get that with our money? Craggy, look. Such a little mogul, aren’t you?
You’re always talking about money. So, what then, boys?
Are you all big men now, yeah? Getting pissed up and that, yeah? How’s about you come get blinder
with us in Gibbs Woods tonight? Erm, will Whitey be there? Like, he’s been away for a bit,
all right. Won’t be seeing you around this
town for a bit. Where’s he gone? I can’t tell you. Whitey moved to Blackpool to
do a hotel catering course. Right. So then, boys. Get in’t car,
Addy squeeze in’t boot.

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