The ‘Blossom’ With The Gun-Toting Student And Alcoholic Clown


(melodic music) – [Narrator] Blossom hasn’t
seen her dear friend Jimmy in a while. He’s been mysteriously absent. – Anyway, I’m back now right? – [Narrator] That’s all
I need to hear Jimbo, no further question. – What’s your name again? – [Narrator] It’s Blossom, Jimmy, the only fucking person named Blossom. Jimmy got a gun. Say hello to my very little friend. He brought it to scare someone, mission accomplished. Blossom is about to shit
in her Oshkosh B’gosh. Jimmy tells her to keep things quiet. Six got detention, a kid
tagged a teachers desk and when nobody ratted the
whole class got in trouble. Blossom leaps at the chance to complain about this awful no-snitch culture. Six explains, people don’t tattle because they’re afraid. – Fear of kids on dope, fear of gangs, fear of getting beat up. – [Narrator] Only two of those are scary, you numerically named narc. Blossom sings about Jimmy’s heater then swears Six to secrecy because these gals have
such a strong track record in that department thus far. – It wasn’t just like a toy or a bar of soap or something was it? – [Narrator] Yeah Blossom,
was that gun a bar of soap? Blossom has the anonymous
betrayal hotline memorized. – That way you don’t have
to worry about getting shot on your way to biology. (audience laughs) Unless, of course, he figures
it out and gets another gun. In which case, our whole class gets off a half day
early for your funeral. – [Narrator] Wow, half days
every time there’s a shooting? The 90’s were luxurious. Blossom will feel guilty
if GI Jimmy’s expelled but not as guilty as she’d
feel if Jimmy expels a cap in someones ass behind the library. Blossom is rehearse-snitching, work shopping voices, making a real meal out of it. But does she really want to
piss off a guy with a gun? Sure, why not. Vinny says Blossom did the right thing. Debatable. And, she has nothing to worry about. A god damn lie because when the fuzz comes knocking they don’t find that blicky. Jimmy is a free man, a free man with a weapon who knows Blossom dropped dime. – You’ll get yours kid. I promise. – [Narrator] He still
doesn’t know her name. That should make her easier to murder. Meanwhile, Joey’s watching TV. ♪ Ding dong. ♪ This clown needs directions
to Blueberry Lane and asks to come inside. – You’re not going to
steal anything are you? – That depends, do you
have any midget firemen? – [Narrator] Joey you can’t afford to not let this guy inside this instant. Joey knows him, he’s Frosty, he did Joey’s sixth birthday. Speaking of birthdays Frosty is late for some kids party. Joey points him that direction but a slurring Frosty is disoriented. – Are you a little drunk? – I was a little drunk this morning, now I’m big time drunk. – [Narrator] Frosty’s still got it. Joey volunteers to drive this hammered, costumed jokester to a
house full of children. – [Joey] I hope one of these is the car. – No, they’re all keys. – STILL. GOT IT. Blossom tells her dad
about the snitch-uation. Daddy wants to run it up the
old suburban snitch ladder to the police. Blossom defends Jimmy, a job his pistol already
has more than covered. Joey is driving Frosty in the
sad van he probably lives in while he sips hooch from a giant bottle. Frosty wants to pull over
to the side of the canyon to take a leak. – [Frosty] Ahhh! – [Narrator] No! Frosty! Frosty is fine, he just wanted
to behold the City of Angels and scream-piss all over it. The la-la land we deserve. Joey was worried this
alcoholic clown offed himself, you know, with the yelling and sad drinking and what not. Frosty’s thought about it, he’s thought about it a lot. His brain is like a tiny car and thoughts of suicide
just keep jumping out. Joey offers to get Frosty some help. Tony tells Blossom how much he loves AA, he always sees some pathetic loser and it makes him feel
great about his shitty life by comparison. Then today is your lucky day Tony. Joey introduces the gang to Frosty, the alcoholic, suicidal clown. Joey wants Tony to bring him to a meeting. Tony is reluctant, I mean
it’s already anonymous, you don’t exactly need full face makeup. – Don’t worry, you’ll
be just as funny sober. – But you folks won’t be. (audience laughs) – Say goodnight Frosty. – Goodnight Frosty. – [Narrator] Still got it. God damn, this clown is good. Blossom bumps into Vinny who tells her the good news. She’s safe! Jimmy had an accident
with his gun last night. Let’s just say five out of five dentists do not recommend using
one as a toothbrush. And we never see Frosty again, he probably fucking killed himself. So, what did we learn today? Piss off gun owners at your own risk because they might kill you and just because you’re an alcoholic, suicidal disaster, doesn’t mean you can’t still be hilarious. And, life is often overwhelming but you’ll get through
it if you accept help and if your enemies blow
their own brains out. See ya next time on
a very special episode.

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