My Mental Health



hello everybody my name is Jim Chapman and I have to say I'm feeling really good right now that said I wasn't feeling really good up until about two days ago for about two or three weeks I was in a really low spot and it happens from time to time I am much better now recognizing the signs I see a therapist and she teaches me techniques of how to kind of avoid it and how to challenge it when it happens but still once every sort of six months or so maybe a couple of times a year sometimes a little bit more regularly I feel quite bad and it just so happened that a few days ago when I started to feel better I read an article about how male suicide is the second biggest killer in the UK and it really resonated with me I just thought you know I've come out of this and stuffings feel better but there are so many people who are stuck in it that I just thought like I have to talk about it one of the things is article said and again it's such and it's an area that needs so much more attention and so much more research into it one of the things is articles suggesting is that men don't talk about their feelings much and they don't like to admit if they have a problem again in quotation marks and I'm making this video really purely because I have an audience and I can make it and I want to share it you know there was nothing for me to admit there's nothing to meeting ashamed of I'm talking about it openly and honestly and frankly so I've never spoken about this anywhere before really for two reasons one I like my channel to be a happy-go-lucky place and like people to come along to my my content and learn something or have a laugh or whatever and but also I guess I didn't want anyone to know which is totally the wrong ask you to have and that's kind of the reason I'm making this video because imagine if there are other people out there who don't want people other people to know who haven't got the support network that I have it's no wonder that people can spiral and it can get out of hand and you can just sort of you find yourself going down a deep dark hole so I feel like I have to talk about it and it is no different like I've got a bad knee and I've mentioned my bad knee on numerous occasions and I see someone about it I also have some pretty less than helpful thoughts sometimes and I see someone about that and there's no reason for me to not share that as well one thing I'm really conscious of doing this video is giving advice I don't want to be giving advice I'm not qualified to do it and also it's so unique to every person that what I do to challenge my thoughts and feelings are the opposite of what someone else should do I actually spoke at length yesterday with my therapist her name's Alexis to kind of get the tone of this videos right as I could and she said to me yet avoid giving advice at all costs but put links to like as many resources as you can that people can start looking around and find things she also mentioned something that I thought actually really interesting that therapists are like driving instructors just because you don't gel with your driving instructor doesn't mean there are bad instructor doesn't mean you're a bad driver it took my wife for example for instructors until she passed their test and the same thing is true with therapists if you don't gel with your therapist or I don't get you to begin with don't be disheartened and don't lose hope because there are so many more out there who will get you you know they'll listen to you and they'll understand you in a slightly different way and it's what she said to me so many people try it once and it doesn't work for them and they give up hope and I really don't want that to be the case so I guess I should give you some context and in fact I asked Alexis to give sort of a a one-liner a description of what she would say about me if asked by somebody else because like I said everything's so unique and every person deals with things in different ways she's not really into diagnosing someone with depression or anxiety or something that's part of it but it's a much sort of more ended with individualistic approach so here's what she said about me so all intents and purposes life is fine but you have some behavior and thought processes from traumatic childhood experiences which make you close in so what she means by that is my life's pretty good I have a really lovely existence actually I've got a very loving family around me and my two big sisters my twin brother my mom are all really supportive my wife who loves me unconditionally I live in a nice house I've got money now I never used to and now I've got money got every looks perfect and actually that's something I felt really guilty about for a while I really struggled when I felt bad because I was like what right do I have to feel because there are people out there who are living on the breadline who don't have a loving family around them and as much you trying to rationalize that my mind doesn't care and it does what it does regardless but there are two things I can't want to mention about that one I'm not a victim in any way I had some traumatic experiences when I was a kid but so there's so many other people and I'm not sharing this story to kind of be a sob story in fact it's totally the opposite I want it to be positive and uplifting and I want to talk about how you can challenge everything and to having a traumatic child experience is not a mental health trump card you know you don't need to have had that to think things in certain ways you know there are lots of people out there whose whose childhood was sort of rainbows and gumdrops growing up but that's not what it's about it could be anything could be something you heard on a TV show or it could be something your dad said to you once in a really loving way that you've just sort of internalized and taken on a slightly different meaning and it affects the way your mind works and the way you process thoughts for the rest of your life unless you start challenging it so I'm gonna tell you my story now but I just really need to bear in mind that big even though my childhood had its issues I was actually very happy for the most part and if you're not feeling so good for any reason you don't have to have had some sort of experience in your past to make that the case you could have had a pretty happy childhood but you could still feel this way so when I was growing up my household was pretty intense there was an atmosphere most of the time and I think as a kid you pick up on that regardless of whether it's in front of you or not so my dad was domestic violence my mom it's frequently regularly and often and although they tried to keep it from their children my mom particular tried to hide it from my sisters and myself and my brother you can't hide the atmosphere she was scared of him and he would fly off the handle at nothing and a few times I actually witnessed him at a per your things like I remember being in the car with him and he threatens us or drive the car into a tree and kill us all because my mom had said something to offend him my dad had MS and he wasn't very well and I think he kind of rather than sort of dealing with the problem I think it made him angry and insecure maybe and and he would take out on my mom and also my sisters to a degree he never he never beat them but he was unpleasant to them very often my brother and I he was actually much kinder to I think he he wanted boys and was kinder to us but as a kid you pick up on that stuff and I remember being in the car with him when it was just me him my brother when the divorce was going through and he would drive us to the pub super quick drink all day get hammered and then drive us back all over the road and he was just a very scary person to be knit and as a child you pick up on these things and my my strategy to to stay safe to stay out of harm's way was to get really busy I used to draw all the time so it wasn't drawing I'd be writing something I would be playing games I would be trying to kind of stay out of harm's way because the more visible I was the more chance of them there was of me one kind of picking up on things if my mind was busy I would be elsewhere wouldn't we're trying not to solve soak up the atmosphere but – if I was visible I never knew what would happen sometimes my dad would be lovely to me sometimes he would be very short and after seeing the way he behaved with my mom my sisters you know it was really unpredictable and that's hard as a kid now I grew up with that as kind of my my default approach I'm busy all the time because I mean I'm not busy my thoughts catch up with me and I start to feel really trapped I didn't notice it really until I left school because when you're at school part of my thing is I have to constantly moving forward and progressing and when you're at school that's the case you're going from year to year you're going from exam going from GCSEs to a levels to a degree it was until I came out of the education system and got a real job that things started to catch up with me and my jobs were fine if you if you're that way inclined there were decent jobs I was working 9:00 to 5:00 doing data entry working in assurance working for the magistrate's court and they were decent jobs paid all right you know but for me I start trapped because there was no progression there was no no moving forward so I would turn up I would do my time I'd go home I would be really sad I would make my lunch for the next day I'd go to bed and I would repeat and I did that for a couple of years until I found what I'm doing now and it got really bad my mom bought me antidepressants and I I didn't know that there was an issue I thought actually that I just get sad sometimes it happens I'll come out of it and I think that's part of the issue when you start internalizing things and believing it's who you are not what you do that's a really bad thing it wasn't time I started speaking to Alexis that I I found out that actually it is a behavior I do it's a way my mind works it doesn't have to be that way if I challenged them and I realize that that isn't Who I am it's just a thing I do it's the way I cope and sometimes it can walk out on my favour for example like I wouldn't be where I am in my career if I didn't have a little bit of that pushing me forward and making me drive but when it's cramped up so I can 910 that's when it gets unhealthy for me and when it freaks me out so doing the job I do now is amazing in that I have control over things and I can see progression I could see things moving it's also really terrifying because again for the last couple of weeks of me feeling really bad had a quiet spell and there was no work coming in and suddenly I think oh my god where am I going what do I do next and it really throws me off kilter so the things I have to do to kind of like write myself again are to learn to take time off and when I start feeling the beginnings of of the spiral I have to really work on not letting it take hold and it's not easy well it is easy in theory you all you have to do is go now think that way but actually in practice that's very hard and even now I've been seeing a therapist for about five years and it still gets me like like last couple of weeks were pretty low but it happens much less frequently now and I'm much more control of it and even when it does happen I know objectively that it's not real and I will come out of it and I think for lots of people who don't seek help or to shy or scared or worried that they're gonna get sort of stigmatize or something I can the map I can see how that will spiral and get worse and worse and worse because you don't have the tools yet to realize that you're just in a state and it and it will come out so that is all I have to say I really hope that if you have watched this video and you feel in any way whether you be young old male female non-bio really hope that it's maybe given you a bit confidence to say something because what a waste to live your life I'm at a time I've wasted of my life feeling when I don't need to it's so awful and again I put links to stuff down below so you can check it all out obviously I see a therapist but you know there are things on the NHS there are things all over the place for you to look at just I disagree I find it so sad that people live their lives feeling a certain way when actually they don't need to the world is beautiful and there's so much to offer and yes I go through little stages here and there but now I've been doing this for a while I know that I will come out of it and it's it's just really sad to think that the people that won't so I really hope this helped and have a good day but I

22 thoughts on “My Mental Health

  • I think maybe you would contact Harry & Meghan Sussex as mental health is one of Prince Harry's most important charities. You have important messages. I have many sad times of depression. It is really a problem here in Oregon in the USA and is getting worse. for

  • I'm a relatively recent subscriber and it has taken me 50 years to realise that I too suffer from "funks". Mine have been highlighted by various illnesses and having too much time to think, much like yourself. Thank you for posting this and letting people know it's ok to feel this way occasionally and that there is help if you really need it. I am lucky in being able to quite quickly pull myself out of these episodes, partly due to having studied psychology, but mostly because I have a loving family and a glass half full outlook on life. Take care of you x

  • Jim this is such a hugely important message that you’re putting out in the world, and you have done it in such a lovely and sincere way. I think that particularly your point about not believing your own myth that this is just who you are is so, so crucial. That’s something I’m still learning, and hearing it reinforced here is so helpful. Sending all warm thoughts and gratitude to you

  • That's what distracts other people's lives – assuring them their mental issues are nothing important because they've got a 'happy life'. In my opinion, we never know how's other's life's going. Firstly, we see as much as somebody wants to show. Everything can look like from a photo but inside of it there could also happen the worst sh*t . And secondly even if life is ok, everybody can have mental problem, then. Not only alkoholics or people after going through a death of a member of his family can suffer. Think people.

  • Watched you for years Jim, since your VO5 reviews haha, your such an aspiration of mine an its soo refreshing to see you talk about these things as I should do the same. you'll probably never see this but I be disappointed in my self if I didn't say how this helped 🙂

  • Great video, sadly mental illness is desperately misunderstood. Depression is still seen as just very unhappy, and anxiety is just a matter of growing a pair. I told my friend that my meds had stopped working and he asked what it meant, the shock on his face when I told him I wanted to die showed how unprepared he was for my answer. Last Tuesday I spent 2 hours lying on the floor of my studio wanting to die, I felt so ill. Until the general public see a person in full depression mode they will continue to think its just very happy. I wish I could film myself at my worst but then I have no energy or strength to actually turn on the camera, set up the computer, press record and all that stuff. Some days I walk around looking at places and imagining how my lifeless body would be cut down after hanging myself…I've just had my meds increased,. I'm from the first age group where males are 'allowed' to talk about actually having feelings but I still know of lots of males who keep the stiff upper lip rubbish. Hopefully with more channels like this suicide in males will reduce..sadly it will take a very long time. Keep going

  • Thank you for speeking up. Without going into too much details I can tell you that it's been so incredibly difficult for me for a while now. Mental health has such a big impact on our life and it completely affects everything you do. Unfortunately, it is still seen as something inferior, something that is not a 'real' health problem. It is so important that we change the way people think about mental health because the feeling that people just don't understand what goes on in your head because you're not wearing a bandage around your head is so damaging for those who are really really struggling with certain thoughts and emotions.

  • Jim, this video has helped me in numerous ways. My mom has MS (secretly, as she kept it from us) and was always very very verbally abusive to me and my younger siblings. Because of this and my protective instinct towards my younger siblings, I was kicked out of my house and have been in a depression spell ever since. So thank you for helping me connect the dots of why my mom was so abusive. It is definitely comforting knowing you have your depression under control and have gone through a similar experience.

  • Hi Jim, Please turn to Jesus, if you haven't already, He loves you, and wants to save you from what you are going through, only Jesus can truly heal you, He is the God of miracles, the bible says Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved, I seen God do amazing things in my life, and in other people I know life's, There is NOTHING impossible to God, Its as simple as asking Him to show you if He is there, and if you really want to know God will answer you, I know this because it happened to me, you will be in my prayers

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