Cage Questionnaire For Alcoholics – Am I An Alcoholic Or Is It Alcohol Misuse Or Alcohol Abuse?

it is Marcus and Terry trying this again we accidentally streamed to my other channel so hopefully everyone's okay there and I don't drop my cigar and light myself on fire but today what we're gonna do is we are going to talk about alcohol test alcohol questionnaires finding out if you are in fact an alcoholic finding out what's the difference between alcohol abuse alcohol misuse heavy drinking and finding out what you need to do to get and stay sober and if you really have a problem because a lot of people come to us and they say Marcus and Terry you know I've been drinking for a while I haven't struggling with things for a while and I don't really think I'm an alcoholic because I don't have nice team pints of vodka a day so you know where do I fit in and a lot of people are wondering that and I think a lot of the trouble comes with the fear of I have to stop drinking for the rest of my life or do I have to admit I'm an alcoholic and a lot of people struggle with am I an alcoholic and so we're gonna talk about that today so we are working now hopefully those that we had some people on my other channel that were like hey I need this so we got them over here too I think that's a a good byproduct of that so Terry what are your thoughts on alcoholic tests and things like that today we're gonna go over the cage test which is a four question test but what are your thoughts like what was it like when you were struggling with alcohol and there was all these tests all these things and and all of a sudden everyone seems like an expert on our problem you know I took a lot of those tests when I was still drinking those online tests and things like that the cage test is one pee has a 12 question test and you know I scored really high the cage test pretty much 100% the AAA tests are actually it's 20 questions sorry not 12 and you know yes I'm like 16 or 17 of them if I really looked at it probably yes on all of them but really what it came down to me was am I still drinking despite the negative consequences that that was the simplest test and that was yes and it really took took for me to hit quite a bottom for me to realize that that my consequences were becoming that and I wasn't gonna keep living if I didn't stop drinking but the tests are a great tool absolutely they kind of get your mind thinking about your consequences and and what kind of things that that are causing your drinking or maybe not even causing your drinking but that you may be an alcoholic yeah yeah and I think a lot of it too is is we don't really want to admit it because of what it means there's a lot of stigma behind it luckily recently there's a lot of consciousness changing about alcoholism and it's becoming more known that it's not like a moral failing I know a lot of people are like oh it's a moral failure you know you need to go to church or you need to get right with God or whatever when in actuality it's a chemical issue with the body and and if you were to taste a brain of a normal person and put enough alcohol in it that's gonna happen right you're gonna have that issue there you're gonna become an alcoholic eventually because if anyone drinks enough alcohol they're going to become an alcoholic because of the way alcohol works and the stuff that it does to your mind and and what happens is we start to use alcohol as a coping mechanism and then we start to use alcohol to cope from the alcohol or I like drinking after the hangover drinking in the morning drinking to cover up the things we did in our own mind as if that's even helping but somehow someway we think it is because our brains have been warped by alcohol so we got to look at that and say you know when we look at like something like the cage questionnaire the cage questionnaire goes like something like this and it's like an acronym so the C is have you ever felt like you should cut down on your drinking and for me I mean I've long before I was a full-blown alcoholic I would have said yeah I felt that way because I would a kind of guy who would go to a party once a year or a Thanksgiving once a year and I'd have a little too much and then I'd go fine and then the next time I'd had a little too much so yeah there were times in my life I felt like I should cut down towards the end I was trying to cut down I was trying to stop but I just didn't know how the a is have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking I think for most people who like to drink and have people that tell them no they can't have it yeah you're gonna get a little annoyed by it alright so I would definitely be on that one as well and if you guys are watching if you're tuning in wondering if you're an alcoholic you can answer these for yourself too so see have I ever felt like I should cut down a haven't ever been annoyed because people have criticized me gee have I ever felt guilty about my drinking and then II have I have ever had a drink early in the morning like an eye-opener I think is why they call it which is where they give it to E and we got a look at that and say okay well I would say that I was like pretty much a four four out of four they say that if you have a zero or a one which is funny because like if you have a total score of zero how would you be any risk and it says you might be at risk if you have a zero right if you didn't even take the test you might be at risk but a zero to one is a low risk of a problem the two to four is a high suspicion for alcoholism and a four is virtually diagnostic for alcoholism now when we look at these tests we got to look at this and say well you know maybe you're the type of person that lives at home and no one bugs you about your drinking right maybe you're that person or maybe you just never feel guilty about it you know there are some people in life that just never feel guilty about anything and maybe that's them have we ever been had a drink first thing in the morning I know a lot of alcoholics who never had the first drink in the morning so a lot of times we have to look at this and what happens is our minds as alcoholics want to find ways to admit to ourselves that not alcoholics right we want to find the out well you know yeah my wife annoys me about everything so obviously I'm gonna be annoyed when she tells me not to drink so that one's out or yeah I tried to cut down but now I really don't care about it I don't care about cutting down because I got it figured out I just get drunk sometimes and whatever or feeling guilty well yeah you know sometimes I feel guilty but it's not that bad or morning drink well what difference does it make morning or night doesn't really matter right or whatever we use to try to justify it but as Terry and I always mentioned the definition of an alcoholic is someone who continues to drink even though there's negative consequences in their life so if you try to drink or you continue to drink and you're getting DUIs or you continue to drink in your families like hey I'm about ready to leave or you continue to drink and you have health problems or you continue to drink even though it's causing financial problems right this is the sign of an alcoholic someone who drinks even though it's ridiculous to drink like if you were to take it and put it in a different perspective like I got this problem and I slapped myself in the face every day and someone comes to me and they're like hey you still slapping yourself there yeah well doesn't that hurt yeah doesn't it like cause problems with your jaw didn't the doctor say you know you have a problem with your jaw and there might be internal bleeding and you're like yeah well you know I I just still do it you would look at it and be like you are crazy you continue to do this thing even though there's negative consequences in your life now we can look at that we could say yeah this is silly this is funny no one slaps themself except for people that want to get on weird I have this weird strange issue TV shows maybe there's someone like that I don't know but at any rate we look at it as silly because you're like I would never do that yet you're doing the same thing with alcohol each and every day fucking up your own life by your own hand through alcohol now the difference is is you're chemically may you're chemically manipulated or chemically what's the word I'm looking for this is chemically altered altered yeah chemically altered so you can't think straight and so we got a look at that we got to say hey what's the deal here how do we how do we deal with this right so Terry what are your thoughts on that well alcohol absolutely completely changed me as as far as when I was drinking and it it caused the negative consequences and and I didn't feel that they were that bad is really what it was but on that cage test I felt that should cut down absolutely but and so I would but then I'd find myself back to where I was or or more but some of the other ones like did I ever feel guilty I kind of felt guilty not really because I was able to drink and get away with it for so long or not getting away with it but it really didn't cause that much of a problem and you know the justifying of the things like things like the morning drink it was yeah that was absolute towards the end absolutely drink in the morning to get rid of the hangover but that was just that was just part of it and people didn't really criticize me for my drinking cuz I hid it so well so that was a definite no for me but you know every once in a while somebody would say oh maybe how much you had to drink today you know things like that yeah a lot of it is is really a pride issue of we don't want to admit that drink has got it right it's like hey this has got me beat this has got me you know I can't get out of this and whatever it is we got to look at that I'm just sending the link to the live chat to someone to check it out make sure our streams going okay so we got a look at that and we got to focus and say hey what's the deal here and we can look at tests and we can look at things that are gonna say it but I think even before I ever took a test or got evaluated or admitted I was an alcoholic I knew like I knew there was an issue of course you know we have it in the back of our mind where it's like I'm not that bad or it's not like that guy or it's only on the weekends or it's only this day or it's only that day and we struggle with it because we're like okay I don't want to admit that I don't want to take alcohol off the table but I was telling someone earlier this week I was like you know if you want to get sober I'm not saying you have to quit for the rest of your life I don't know what's gonna happen the rest of your life you know you got hopefully a long time in front of you and so we got to look at that and say what we have to do is we have to take alcohol off the table now and what I mean by off the table is it can't be an option it can't be well you know I'll just have one beer at lunch or I'll have one of these or I'll have one of those or whatever it is we have to literally take it off the table and say I don't drink that's what I do and we have to really get get honest with ourselves and say hey I'm not drinking and whatever consequences that means you know I look like an idiot at the party or whatever it is you think is gonna happen or I'm the only guy not drinking or whatever we have to realize and we have to submit to the fact that's that society's conditioning right that's society saying how you know you're the guy who can't drink because no one cares no one never had someone come up to me and say hey you should be drinking never once right maybe they'll say hey you know we were at a plate you want a glass of wine and I was like nah I'm good that was the end of it yeah is it all the other social pressure all the other shit is in your mind right and it's like it's like the kids at the kid table at Thanksgiving right if you had a big family the kids would go to the kid table now the kids don't care about the kid table because they're over there joking about farts and stuff and it's way more fun than the adult table where they're talking about politics anyway but if you're like in between and you're like 17 and there's not enough room at the big table and you go to the kid table like you have that chance where you're like hey I could sit here and I can have fun but instead you're thinking about what you don't have you're like I could be at the big table I'm left out and that's what happens it's like you're not really left out you're not really not having fun it's just an issue of I perceive it's that way because the conditioning has made it so I'm an adult dammit I can do this if that made any sense I don't know Terry maybe you need to to rescue me from the kid table analogy you know I see you it's good to see you again haven't seen you for a while and you're you're at least expressing some some concern about you drinking and that you're just in this vicious cycle your last comment was everyday I have a hangover and this is my life and that you're drinking vodka and beer after work and are you still able to work and stuff and that you just need help and it's a difficult you're you're in that difficult spiral I was there too and you know I was in there where I was work I worked and eventually I started drinking at work too but it was hard for me and you know I knew it so you got that first question on the cage test have you ever felt that you should cut down any drinking so I'm going back to that now I felt I should cut down I need new I needed to stop but I didn't it was a matter it was a matter of I'm gonna stop tomorrow and every day was that late that was that cycle for me every day I wanted to stop tomorrow but I knew that it was gonna be a difficult thing to stop and so I just never did until it was until life was almost over for me and that that's what it took for me and it's it's possible to stop before you get to that point and some people don't make it to that point and and it was just a matter of me just sucking it up and asking for help and that was a difficult thing for me and and I see that you're asking for help right here and and you know that's it that's great and that's a good first step people are giving you some great advice right now and keep it up but think about going to the doctor being honest with them and we see that almost every every webinar we do but that's probably the best thing you could do to just get that start just to open yourself enough to get out there yeah and just be honest with the fact that like okay alcohol is not working for me it's not working for you if you guys are on this show or Channel or watching the videos alcohol is not working for you you know and I know what it was like I actually did a training for my other business when I got out of rehab and I was like I wonder if you could have predicted I would have been an alcoholic by my search history and so I went into my my web search history and I found things like am I an alcoholic am I going crazy alcohol and this alcohol and mental illness alcohol and depression and it was like a long list of things and it was like dude this guy was struggling right and and that's part of the reason we started this channel because we know it's like that and we know there's a lot of misinformation out there and I know that often times it's difficult to quit but you have to look at it and say what am I willing to do and what's the alternative right what's the alternative the alternative for me was death losing my family losing everything I built financially losing my kids everything right so the stakes are really high and we have to look at it and say why are we keeping doing this and what am I gonna do to stop because you go watch our show over and over until you're blue in the face you can memorize it you can write things down you can do whatever you want but it's a matter of what you do with the information that's gonna keep you sober right when you look at it and you're like I watch Marcus and Terry and I feel good but I keep drinking okay you got to look at it and say what tool am I gonna put in place so that I don't drink what am I gonna do so that I don't go and get another vodka or another beer or end up at the bar or whatever it is what am I going to do because actions keep you sober knowledge gives you options when I give you knowledge and I tell you stuff like hey you know what you can't get drunk if you don't take the first drink that's a good bit of knowledge it's like hey that's pretty good it's like no shit Sherlock but it's a good bit of knowledge for people who struggle so no matter what if you don't have the first drink you can't get drunk good and if you don't have any drinks you won't struggle with your alcoholism you don't have any right if you're like alcohol is off the table I don't drink anymore you're not gonna have an issue so the question isn't hey that's a good bit of knowledge that's a good bit of advice it's what am I gonna do to protect myself against the first drink because this is what happens you go out there just yesterday had a big family blow-up issue and naturally my brains like let's go get fucked up that's all it's all family issues right there you go we know it doesn't but that's what my brain says so now I have to look at it and say I got all this knowledge what are the tools I'm gonna use so I don't go to the bar well instead I made like the biggest freakin root beer float you can imagine I got in bed and I watched a movie with the kids so I did and we ended up falling asleep halfway through the movie and I woke up and I'm like it's gonna blow over everything always blows over and even if it doesn't go in as a bar drinking is not gonna help so I'm not going to do that and that's what we got to do is we got to put those things in place and in early sobriety we got said what am I gonna do when the spouse yells at me what am I gonna do when that person drives by with my ex in the car what am I gonna do when my kids come to me and like I'm not gonna listen to you you're a fucking drunk hey it could happen you have teenagers you know they say the darndest things what are we gonna do when these things happen our normal reaction is to go to ego ego oh he doesn't deserve her oh yeah you can have my trash it oh hey you know what you better not say that or I'll slap you silly when in actuality we could take a step back we can get out of our ego and say well yeah I was I was an alcoholic and I'm sorry for that hey what was my part in this family unraveling what was my part in this dispute what was my part in this and it doesn't mean you have to own everything it just means look for your part and sometimes you got to look at it and be like well maybe in the case of abuse like I grew up in abusive like my part was just being there you know you know a lot of people will try to warp it and say find your part maybe you were a little shit maybe I was but I was eight right it was just bad place bad time kind of deal so we got a look at that right get some amends here yeah let's take I lost my mouse okay well just go with what I see all right so we got Holly I got thirty days yesterday Congrats on that got my coin from my sponsor it feels amazing today yesterday it wasn't a thing to me till I went home to my group meeting and then met with women after awesome that's good thirty days is a good milestone let's see Terry okay I think you got I see yous Requiem sixteen months sober awesome I try to come by here to hear you guys when I can and I thank you for all these live chats saw a video on YouTube about the DTS and I'm wondering if I had them uh well if you're wondering if you had them you probably didn't or it doesn't matter because of your sixteen months sober I would focus on the next sixteen months you know not what happened eighteen months ago right so yeah Val says I love smoking cigarettes that's my sin I prefer to have many cigarettes at one time which is why I have cigars that way you don't have to five at a time you could just get it done at any rate that was a joke by the way okay keep up the great work good thank you for that let's see Christine no such thing as cutting down it's all or nothing for me what is it with alcohol that seems to defy common sense when we know it has nothing but negative results I agree I know in my life it's all or nothing I'd like to entertain the fact that one day when the brewery comes out with a brand called Marcus Campbell I'd be able to try it but they're getting pretty specific they might come out with the Marcus Campbell group but until that happens or not even until I just look at it as off the table and one of the things I tell myself is have I not drank as much as the next 50 adults like I'm gonna be 40 years old this year and I've had more alcohol than most people have consumed in many lifetimes right so I think I'm good so next time when I'm like well you know maybe I need to have I miss it or whatever it's like now I'm okay and you'll find as time goes by in sobriety it's no longer I can't drink but it's I don't want to drink and I'm at a place now where I'm I don't really want to drink it's too much hassle I know the negative consequences and I don't want to risk what could happen if I go what if I'm fine with the first drink yeah but what if I'm not what if I'm not what if I called Terry three weeks later saying I tried playing with one drink and buddy it didn't work right that would suck and that's like why would you play with fire if you don't want to get burned yeah and Christine you're the second half what you said what is it without called it seems to defy common sense when we know it has nothing but negative results and it's that's you know that's the great mystery that people are trying to figure out and you know they're they're hoping that if they can figure out that part of it then they can develop some sort of a pill that's gonna stop alcoholism or something simple like that and that's why so many people relapse but what we do know is that just that one little drink starts that obsession of the mind and then you keep drinking and you get that compulsion of the body and then they both work together that's something that we just can't overcome so that's why we have to stay away from that first drink I would also say there's a famous line that is in all the memes that are funny on the inner well a lot of them and it's the meme hold my beer right it's the old joke as a guy in the cutoff shorts in the middle of America diving into one inch of water saying hey hold my beer real quick watch what I do and the reason I bring that up is because alcohol defies common sense because it removes it right there are things that that you would never do but when you drink all bets are off so what's happening here is alcohol is making the decision and when you get sober from alcohol and you're like hey I've been sober for three days buddy why am I still feeling this way why am I still obsessing because you've been putting this alcohol in your brain for the last however many years and you've been living on this certain common sense that it provides you've been living under the delusion it provides and it's gonna take some time to get out of that it's gonna take some time to heal it's gonna take some time to repair the thought processes that go through it's kind of like if you grow up and abused home kids that grew up in abused home and this is why they call it child abuse and because it causes abuse long-term people that grow up in a child abuse home let's say there's a family member who comes and you don't know if that family member is gonna be happy or sad beat you or hug you you don't know and every day you're their little eight-year-old version of you and you're like oh shit here they come should I be scared should I be happy should I put my hands out for a hug or should I cower in fear and what happens is over time because this happens repetitively your brain starts to cower or respond to certain stimuli it's like there was a test done years ago with with rats and or rat something rabbits rats something like that they're mean to animals but we learn a lot so who knows that's a different topic for a different Channel but at any rate they would go through and they'd take these little animals and they'd be like Bing boom bomb and they'd play these noises and they'd give them food and then they'd put like a little piano in front of them and the rats would go and replicate the sound hoping to get food and they'd give them food and what would happen is they'd find out that the food was just totally random ready it had nothing to do with the notes it had nothing to do with what the rats did it had nothing to do with anything it was a lot like in the old days you know you'd have the rain would come down and rain the crops and then there'd be a dry spell and they'd get together and be like I think if the medicine man hops on one foot long enough it'll rain again right and what's happening is these things are random but our brain puts them together and tries to find patterns and so that little abuse kid or the the rats and the cages or the guy with the rain dance is trying to put together patterns for what's going on in life and we're trying to put together okay when this guy looks this way it means I'm gonna get hit or when they look this way it means I'm gonna get a hug and so what happens is we go through life and we make protections and we make these protections that try to protect us from outside hurts and along the way we find out that these are maladaptive these are not practices that are helpful the rain dance didn't do a damn thing for the rain they just thought it was the notes on the keyboard didn't feed the rats even though they thought it did me protecting myself wasn't really protecting myself because it made the rest of my life miserable even though I thought it did you drinking alcohol to fix your problems isn't helping even though you think it is even though you think it's making you feel better it's really not and we got to look at it and say now I need to address these issues if you're like that kid that got abused and you're frightened and you're afraid what am I gonna do instead of drinking because I know drinking is not helping that was a long rant any thoughts on that it's all good good good analogies requires requires mom I got away with drinking and teaching preschool living in Japan no stigma here for it my co-worker said it made sense to drink because it's a stressful job and enabled me I could have died or worse yeah and you know what I've been a lot of them were able to drink without with with impunity and not not have any trouble with it and some of us it just begun begins to cause trouble and it ends up making our jobs and our lives a lot worse and yeah I'm sure a lot of people use alcohol to de-stress and I used to and it was fine and that's kind of how it goes sometimes Val says if you can't work anymore thanks to drinking then things are bad you know yeah and that's one of the negative consequences in life among many some people like I see you says I have depression alcohol is a depressant so people with depression like alcohol heightens whatever you're already feeling it's kind of like it takes away the inhibitions in the normal rational way of coping with emotions right it's like kids who haven't learned ways to deal with their emotions they'll throw themselves around the house they'll flip out they'll break things I used to be this way and I was like a thirty year old kid and what happens is drinking takes away the ability to rationalize your emotions and look at it and say it's not going to be that bad we're gonna be okay whether it's depression whether it's the fun guy right you always know the fun drinking guy where it's like a man it's funny the he's to hold my beer guy and he thinks it makes him more fun when in actuality it makes them more dangerous and more you know not fun and more stupid and so you got to look at that and say hey that that's what this is doing and we really need to put alcohol in the place alcohol belongs because we don't blame it it's a funny phenomenon where we don't blame the alcohol it's like someone who's abused an abusive relationship and you have a girl who's abused or a guy who's abuse and they're like he's not that bad well he's really loving and he's a great cuddler and you know he does support me financially and she's sitting there with black guys and you're like what is wrong with you you got a black eye you're defending the guy you know my my I was it just happens to be at the level of his fists it's my fault and we take the fault and we don't blame what's bad and with alcohol I never dared talk bad about my beloved alcohol never it was like it's me it's because I don't have my shit together it's because of me but in reality it was because of alcohol alcohol causes problems and then makes you think it's the only thing to solve those problems and it's it's the damndest thing because we're literally manipulating our bright our brain and then we're like well what why is my brain manipulated because you put out go no it's not the alcohol I'm gonna figure it out it's because of my mom back when I was a kid she used and it's like dude it's because of alcohol if you take an Ivy League noodle salad family happy guy who's never had anything wrong with him in his life and you give him enough alcohol at the frat party the dudes gonna have mental problems right this is a fact it's just like cell phone addiction causes mental problems and anxiety it's a fact it happens why does it happen dopamine rush take away dopamine rush take away dopamine rush take away alcohol same thing you get a rush take away get a rush take away although what happens along the way is you get that rush and then something happens and you have a little too much and you wake up the next day and you're like shit I feel like shit I'm guilty my thoughts are racing my heart's pounding I'm sweating I know the best solution is more alcohol that that's the best thing in the world not drinking water sweating it out and quitting the best solution is more alcohol because it's instant now instead of trying to feel better now I'm just numb to it and who gives a shit until the next day and the cycle happens over and over and slowly but surely your brain is changing now luckily the brain is plastic and it will change back but your brain is changing and I was telling someone earlier this week the brain that got you drunk isn't the brain that's going to get you sober you need outside thoughts this is why rehab works for some people this is why going to meetings works for some people this is why change of thoughts like a complete overhaul of thoughts helps for people as well right absolutely but you got to figure out what works for you exactly yeah and alcohol doesn't work that we don't need a test to figure out you don't need a cage test you don't need any tests like it's not working and if you're here you probably know it's not working for you exactly and you know so what I did when I got sober was I tried all those different things that Marcus mentioned but like I like I just said I tried all of them I did everything I possibly could and I did that for a few months to stay sober and then I was finally able to figure out what to kind of hone in on for my sobriety program but then I also stayed open-minded to deal with when issues come up maybe I changed what I'm doing a little bit and I still do that today I just try to stay open-minded am i starting to get that anxiety back or starting to you know not like people in general or things like that and when I if I do have those problems maybe I need to change some things up or maybe go to an extra meeting or or do something else for my sobriety and that's that's what seems to help me the most you know yeah Michaels got an interesting one he says he finds life dull after about two weeks without alcohol I would I would say if you're finding life dull or boring challenge it and ask yourself how much more fun alcohol made it really like really think about it because I don't want you to just be like alcohol at the party I could talk to the girl that that's what we normally go to which buys away that's because of TV not alcohol TV told you that alcohol makes you more fun that's it like you're not that much more fun and I want you to really think about it to the logical conclusion like when you lose your keys you lose your phone you hop in a cab with a random guy going to a random place actually did that one time and I was like oh I guess we share cabs here and he was like what the fuck's the matter with you and then I but at any rate you know all these things think about it like maybe throwing up in the morning and feeling like crap is exciting maybe getting duis is more exciting than sitting at home maybe mental illness and causing problems is more fun but I think we need to be okay with life as it is living life on life's terms they say rather than like this glorified idea like my grandma was an alcoholic for years life was pretty boring like she didn't go to work she stayed home and well I'm I guess it was exciting because she was married 16 times literally 6014 on paper – were not so sure gross but life yeah was I mean you know and she had this idea of what life was like when she was drinking because drinking made it more glorified like when I drank I was brilliant I took my notepads and I wrote notes and I was like this this is the shit people will want to read this they'll come around I'm gonna be famous and then I'd read it the next day and I'd be like that's a bunch of horseshit yep that's pretty much what that is is complete horseshit and so it's the perception and you got to get used to what life is like in normal ways and you have to get used to enjoying every moment for what every moment has to offer exactly I find that and be making sure that I have a lot of gratitude and think about what I'm grateful for I first got sober that first two weeks after two weeks I still wasn't able to do a whole lot I was just physically ill I was never bored still am never bored I have plenty funny to do and I love life being sober and you know what what I was afraid of was you know that two weeks without alcohol life's just gonna be so boring and really what I may may have missed was the the fun times at the party it's not the drinking itself oh I can still go to parties now most of the parties I go to don't have alcohol but and there's still plenty plenty fun I go to concerts I've been to a few concerts and sobriety and you remember them yeah and I still liked it I was really wondering if I liked it I liked him even more and it's funny too cuz it's like usually I would be drunk after the opening band so I was paying a bunch of money to see a bunch of opening bands and they all sucked and I'm like why do concerts suck it's because you're not going to see who you paid to see right you know Zac you said I mean we're kind of up in the scroll still towards the beginning but you said I work two hours shifts on my work days I don't even think about a drink until around 5:00 p.m. that's a couple hours before you leave I'll get home and have three to four beers max to help sleep on my off days I'll start lets he's drinking beer around 12:00 to 1:00 p.m. and pretty much drink til I go to bed together you know all I can really say about that is it seems to me like it's heavy drinking is it alcoholism I don't know that I'm not sure is it causing that are you getting negative consequences from your drinking I don't know I know a lot of people that are heavy drinkers and and that does seem like that could lead to alcoholism if it's not there already but I hope you're doing well yeah and just you know put it in perspective and look at what it's doing to your life right and I I think everyone if you really look at it the bad outweighs the good but we don't have a better way sobriety isn't about some magical thing it's about finding a better way right now your solution to coping with life is alcohol you don't know a better way we weren't taught a better way unfortunately I always joke about the fact that I always missed the life class in school they never had one there was no class that was like here's what to deal with life here's what happens when you're sad here's how to here's how to manage your mind right my mind didn't come with an owner's manual I used to think it was the Bible and that made me even more crazy but you know to each his own and there's a lot of good stuff in it I'm not knocking it or anything but interesting but you know it didn't come with a user's manual it didn't come with an owner's man come with a here's what to do when and why now and we had to learn it on our own and we had to look at ways to cope we had to say what we're gonna do on top of it we have society saying don't cry if you cry you might have whatever disorder take this pill if you're sad you might have this disorder go take that if you're happy too much you might and everything has a marketing pitch attached to it and we have to look at it and say well as they say in like Zen koans one sad be sad when happy be said would be happy when you know laughing be laughing you know be where you are are because your feelings aren't gonna kill you alcohol probably will feelings well way more people die of alcohol then die of feelings and we got to look at that we got to say my feelings are gonna be okay it's gonna be all right you know and admit things I was talking to someone earlier about how you know we have to admit because I used to think I had everything figured out I was the business guy I knew about the mind I knew about all these things yet I was a freaking drunk and couldn't manage my life but I was brilliant right and along the way in sobriety I had to look at it and say you know what we're all pretty much just winging it like I don't know I might be smart in business but I'm really just winging it I don't know with sobriety I mean I'd like to say I'm an expert and should write the book I'm just winging it it's work today and maybe it won't work tomorrow maybe I'll need a new thing tomorrow but you know so far the stuff that we're teaching to here has worked for like five years and some other people I've had it worked for a lot longer and I found that it changes the way your mindset works and now that my life philosophy like the the bottom of everything you believe about life what is it it used to be get ahead I got to work don't let anyone know that you're scared don't let anyone know that you really don't know what you're doing and be a man and now it's like you know what I don't know every damn thing like you can argue with me about politics I got my ideas but I've never sat in a politician's chair so what the hell do I know I could sit there I could argue about business and I know what's best for I don't know I've never done that and now my life philosophy is hey I'm winging it I don't really know and you know what I love it I love it because I don't know I'm not this all enlightened a wonderful person I just kind of do what I do and you know that to me is very freeing absolutely Kwasi says well I thought it would be tough for me to stop drinking but when I went to get help and taking it serious I'm almost four years sober now that's it that was you know the key right there was that you just got help that's it it's hard to make that step though is the hardest step for me is I just didn't want to admit and I didn't want to go get help but finally that's exactly what I did and what I did the people that were close to me in my life helped me follow through with that and I was able to get sober yep really reverse engineer what you did and keep doing it as far too many people they're like I got this now but they stopped doing what works they stop their coping mechanisms they revert to old ways of thinking and we got to watch for that we got to be vigilant about that because this is a new life and we're now living on purpose rather than reacting to what comes our way and and we realize now that life isn't something that happens to us life is something that's happening it's going on all around and we're just part of it right it's not like it's happening to I all these bad things happen to me no bad things happen to lots of people and so do good things and we don't know who is it to say whether it's good or bad or or happy or sad it just is so yeah right Brittany good to see you again y'all y'all need to find things to do what are you passionate about what are you good at it's so scary to stop but it's so worth it and I agree with you completely free Brittany and that's that's what I did and that's how I stayed or kept from getting bored when I got sober is I figured out what I'm passionate about I love cycling I love hiking love walking my dogs and that's what I did I was wasn't able to do a ton at once in the beginning but I was slowly able to ramp it up and I love it now and that's you know and helping people I go to meetings and and cook for barbecues and stuff like that because it's fun I'm a professional chef so I'm pretty good at it and it's what keeps me going yeah cool let's see Rainie been drinking daily for 20 years I've held a full-time job or jobs but every day sucked you guys have helped me stay sober six days awesome Congrats keep on it and and really look at what you did over those six days and keep doing that and build on it because what keeps you sober six days is probably not what's gonna keep you sober 180 right you're gonna have little changes and go on but I can tell you this as long as you don't take the first drink you're not gonna have a problem being sober and that's the one that this is why they call it in recovery the fuck it's right the fuck it's our when everything gets really bad and you say fuck it I'm gonna go drink alright hence the term really applicable a named term but what we need to do is say well I'm gonna say fuck the fuck it's and I'm not gonna drink because there's nothing that drinking won't make worse guaranteed you know what happens when you drink on top of a bad situation it makes it way worse you go out and do stupid shit you call the wrong people you text people hey Gnaeus weird crazy things that you have to apologize for and act like you're but knows how to type and no it doesn't know how to tell you we're talking about someone else a guy I know I'm asking for a friend I can't even text sober let alone drugs so yeah but yeah you know you got to look at that and say hey this is gonna make it worse okay great channel guys this from alan thank you so much do you believe there is a difference between an alcoholic and someone who abuses alcohol a quart of vodka a day three times a week for example well abusing alcohol would mean that you are using alcohol as it's not intended I would think that would be the definition which means you know have a glass of wine with dinner maybe a cocktail at the party but if you're abusing it and you're getting negative consequences in your life where it's like hey I'm drinking too much alcohol I feel like crap I have health issues I get DUIs maybe my family doesn't like it maybe it's affecting my thought life that would be determined alcohol and alcoholic is someone who continues to drink even though negative thing happens in their life I do not think there's a difference between alcohol abuse alcohol misuse or alcoholic what are your thoughts on that Terry you know I as far as quantities go a person could be an alcoholic with very little quantity I know a person that's been sober for a few years now but they were like yeah I drink a bottle I used to drink a bottle of wine a night while Bala wines like for drinks a night but it was destroying his life and who might argue so really isn't it he calls himself alcoholic he's an alcoholic as far as I'm concerned a person that abuses just what Marcus said is you know using it I kind of think about like a person that abused alcohol back when I was in a fraternity in college yeah I have used alcohol is alcohol look at the time I don't think I was I was a heavy drinker and I abused it a lot by getting you know hammered every Friday or whatever but I was still able to function that I didn't have the negative consequences other than maybe the hangover the next day so yeah it's kind of my thoughts on it and if you stopped then you would have never became a full-fledged alcoholic could be so it could be a good warning I would look at it also I got some bad advice when I was drinking and I had some therapists tell me you misuse alcohol and you abuse alcohol but you are not an alcoholic and to me that was music to my ears because now it's like you heard the lady wife I'm not an alcoholic boy drink drink drink because my brain was looking for an excuse to get its medicine which was the alcohol and by the way disclaimer it's not really medicine but my brain thought it was and they even said that yourself medicating it's like okay no I'm drinking my ass off because I'm an alcoholic and I almost wish that those therapists would have called a spade a spade and I wish my brain would have said no you're an alcoholic because once you look at it then the treatments available I'm an alcoholic what's the solution stop drinking oh I'm just abused alcohol well what's the solution I'll just have to that's cool when did that ever work for you never worked for me I never had to 200 but never two so we got a look at that and say you know the problem there it's almost like you know I'd rather go to the doctor or go wherever and get the diagnosis straight and this is metaphorically speaking like if you know you're an alcoholic that's the diagnosis there you go and then I take that and say now what because I'm a big now what person let's figure out the issue is it about my family is it just misuse is it because of this is it because I'm sad maybe but you're an alcoholic so let's address that problem and then I found when I address the alcohol problem I didn't have to address the other stuff it just kind of fell in line because I was able to think with a clearer mind without using a coping mechanism and I had to force myself but to change my thoughts yes so Brittany says for those of you with some sober time what tools do you use and you know well I'm gonna go back to when I first got sober when I first got sober I had to make sure I wasn't gonna get triggered I didn't know if what kind of cravings I was gonna get so I had to take very direct specific actions and that's what I did you know meetings staying over staying away from alcohol doing whatever it took to stay away from alcohol because I don't know what was gonna make me drink but you know that now that I have some time it's a little bit more general there's still very specific things I do like if I'm going to a party I usually bring something with me to drink that's not alcoholic and you know I leave it in the car and if they have something that's nice then I'll have that or or I bring it in and share it with people of other people that may not want an alcoholic drinker or whatever but you know the the important thing is is the tools I use now are just understanding that I I'm not in control of everything that I have to keep my ego in check that life happens and what I have to do is try to be the best person I can be so I do that by trying to be as honest as possible I try to be open-minded as possible and I'm also try to be willing to do things for my sobriety and those those are kind of the general tools that I use every day but trying to be humble understand that I don't have all the answers and just being open to whatever whatever comes my way so those are kind of the general tools what about you yeah my tools are one alcohol off the table it's not enough I don't care what happens like it's it's like I say all the time don't drink even if your ass falls off yeah okay my ass hasn't fallen off yet looks like it has but it hasn't and so we look at that and we're like okay well now that it's off the table now I have to find tools I have to when I'm sad what am I gonna do go out in the patio have a cigar when I get into arguments with my spouse you know sometimes they get heated and I'm like okay you can yell at me in here I'm gonna be out having my cigar and when you want to talk to me about it come on out now that used to feel like a dick move but I got to take care of myself because if I don't take care of myself I'm gonna go drink and it's just gonna be a big shitstorm and shit storms are messy that's why they call him that so we got to look at that and say what am I gonna do instead when I go to a party for the first year I barely attended alcohol events I tried to watch it I didn't have alcohol in the house I know for me that was a big deal still was I still like to have no alcohol in the house with the exception of you know if I'm making some food or something and I have you know something in the house for that but that took a while to get to and I know that's different for me I know Terry cooks with stuff is his wife has it and that works but find what your threshold is like if it's a worry in the beginning don't dick with it like if it's a question don't bother like oh should I go to the bar will I be okay if you're worried about it then don't go you can get the same exact food in the bar as you can in the restaurant same thing and by the way you could cook better at home so there you go should I go to the liquor store to buy a scratchy ticket maybe you're into the lotto maybe not maybe get him at the grocery store yeah a little more open little less going on should I buy alcohol for someone who's coming over you know I gotta have wine maybe not all so what am I gonna do to guard my thoughts how am I gonna deliberately change the way that I think about life and think about drinking and think about everything how am I gonna do it for me and listening to talks big big issue in my sobriety I listen to a new talk I spend way too much money on audiobooks and you don't have to do that you can get them free online and go to archive calm I listen to Alan Watts I listen to and that's Alan Watts with an S on the end not Alan watt very different Alan what's good Ellen what not so much a fan rom das I listen to him so Jesuit priest guy I listen to too but he's not like religious I forget Alan Anthony de Mello or something like that his stuffs good and I really look at like putting new stuff in my brain because you know what let's face it the old stuff didn't work the old stuff got me drunk so I had to really focus on that ya could change your mind change your mindset well I see you also wrote I try to quit but depression and anxiety and I guess my challenges but depression and anxiety whoa I get depression and anxiety too and you know Brittany mentioned right after that alcohol is a cause of your depression and anxiety that's the problem in it certainly even if it's not quite the cause it certainly exemplifies it absolutely and when when you first stopped drinking that depression anxiety is likely to get a lot worse but eventually it's gonna get better especially if you start to develop some good sobriety tools that is it your for me I was able I was happy pretty close to right when I got sober and I was just going through the roof it was great but sometimes I know Marcus talks about how his anxiety kind of went through the roof right when he first got sober oh yeah off the charts yeah and I had to learn ways to cope without alcohol because I knew alcohol made it way worse so you got a look at that Naomi's back we haven't seen Naomi in a little bit she says she's 376 days sober when she was on like day 7 or something like that and she said she's helping others by telling her story well Naomi if you want to contact us if you want to share your story on one of our live shows we'd love to have you that'd be great that's great Naomi good job let's see here well I see you says I love you guys I hope your the bet I hope you the best stay sober please every day I regret I drink vodka and beer every day this is my life listen to Marcus and Terry I'm drunk right now right on ICU you can uh you can get sober you can do it all right Javon says 241 days sober today awesome you guys have inspired me a lot I want to listen to your talk you guys have been a movi motivation awesome and we can be one of your tools this channel could be one of your tools you know if you're sitting I remember one time I was sitting outside the pizza restaurant when I had a big fight with the spouse you know it's thinking about going in and drinking and if I had one of the talks like we have here it'd be a good thing to listen to probably stop you from drinking at least for then and sometimes you just need to delay the world for 15 minutes sometimes that's enough absolutely did we get Michael's about mundane life I hate hangovers hate spending the money hate the arguments but alcohol still feels like the only thing that gives me a break from the mundane life Michael I think you probably need a mundane life for a while yeah that might be just what life ordered for the first year after I got sober we moved from my big house into a small place I just took it easy I barely even worked and I read about sobriety and it was mundane but it was okay because that's part of life I think often times we're looking for excitement because we're trained that way right it's like let's go to Disneyland and it's like now kids can't even have fun without spending a hundred billion dollars at Disneyland I know I live by Disney World and we go there and it's almost getting boring it's like all right yeah he's been on this ride 50 times why are we still spending $2,000 a year to come here okay you know so you got a look at that and and and really put it in perspective but sometimes the mundane is good like you look at Buddhist monks there ain't nothing more boring than being a Buddhist monk there's also nothing more pleasing and enlightening than finding out you in and of yourself have the answer you are what you've been searching for you are the excitement that your life needs and maybe it's not going on a roller coaster jumping out of a plane with a parachute maybe it's sitting out there in the backyard with a cigar or without one without a drink for sure and just sitting there and being okay and enjoying your own company yeah you know when I was drinking I was always looking for more and more of what I don't know what I was looking for but there was always something missing and since very early in sobriety I'm not looking for more I'm happy with what I have yeah that's just part of sobriety didn't happen right away I thought I wanted more but now it's it's it's okay it doesn't mean I don't have ambitions and things I want out of life but I'm able to be here right now and be satisfied with what I have and that's huge that is such freedom it's amazing I see you brings up an interesting thing that's very very big in alcoholism is he can't sleep sleeping's big because an alcoholic never really sleeps they never get the full sleep because they're they're kind of in and out I know for me my pattern was like go to bed pass out really at like 8:00 wake up at 10:00 have a drink pass out again wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning have a drink pass out again wake up at like 4:30 in the morning looking like shit feeling even more like shit and I was like okay well I might as well face the day because I'm awake so I never really slept and when I got sober I had to reverse that pattern and I found that I was awake all the time and I just I rolled with it I'm like okay I'm gonna be up till 3:00 a.m. I might as well learn some shit and so I listened to audio books I read some things you know I really focused on other things and eventually I fell asleep and I was okay sometimes still to this day if I have too much caffeine or whatever I'll be up at night or maybe I'm just excited about something and I'll be up at night and I'll just lay there and be like well I'm resting I'm okay I'll fall asleep eventually and I always do you don't have to freak out you're not gonna be up for 90 million months you know you'll be okay just relax turn the tree off turn the lights off be okay with it and stop drinking because all bets are off on anything we're saying if you keep drinking right it's not gonna work all right any other standing out to you um well Carolyn says hi I watch a show on behalf of my friend who drinks vodka every day never wakes with the hangover and functions very well is he still an alcoholic I don't know that's the short answer Carolyn people can drink every day lots of people can and many people do and they're not alcoholics it's really like just like what we said is it causing her negative consequences and really she's the one that can answer that it's very difficult for somebody else to call he call him an alcoholic maybe doctor might get a little closer yeah a lot of people are asking how to contact us you can get us on our Facebook group which is pretty cool and active a lot of the people you see here are in that group and it's kind of like a little support group it is private except for among the members so you'll only be talking to the members it's not like it's gonna be broadcasted all over Facebook that you're an alcoholic I'll put that link in there that is the link for the Facebook group and you can join us also you can support the show by going to talk sober calm clicking the support the show you will get a what-do-you-call-it t-shirt embroidered talk sober t-shirt which we'll send out to you for joining and helping out and yeah really good stuff right now let's see I think there was yeah I think we're good any other last-minute pressing questions and I think the moral of the story is rely on what you know if you think you're an alcoholic you probably are if alcohol is causing negative consequences in your life and you can't stop drinking even though that's happening probably an alcoholic and even even if you're technically not one and you just want to cut down or stop or whatever you can stop then stop and get some help it's okay to get help and it doesn't matter if somebody labels you you label you the labels to be nothing that's it's really all about what you want alright cool deal well I think that wraps us up for today we will see you guys next week and yeah cool thank you very much everybody thanks Steve

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